Bonnie Asked

This week on Spanko Brunch Bonnie asked:

Last week, I posted a poll that dealt with impediments to your
enjoyment of spanking. I was quite surprised that twenty percent of the
voters said that their partners were unaware of their interest. I can
only imagine how difficult it must be to hide this part of yourself
from your lover.

The last thing I would ever want to do is bring
harm to someone’s relationship. On the other hand, we know of quite a
few couples who have enriched their loving partnership through the
introduction of adult spanking activities. For today’s brunch
questions, I would like to solicit your insight into this tricky topic.

Have
you tried to introduce the subject of spanking to your partner? Did
your partner first raise the topic to you? If so, what approach did you
or your partner use and how well did it work? If you had the same
opportunity again, would you proceed in a similar fashion?

My response was:

I wish I could contribute something optimistic here — though I guess if one spins for the big picture it is.

My
experience with introducing someone to my interest was with my first
husband (who at the time was my boyfriend / partner). I asked him what
his fantasies were and then told him mine, revealing that mine tended
to be all about spanking.

His response was that he thought this
1) did not fit any image he had of me and 2) was probably the result of
childhood trauma and a sign I needed therapy. My reply was that it
wasn’t really very important to me, just something I was thinking about.

This
was really the first experience I had of feeling ashamed of my
fantasies. My ex was older than me by 15 years (at the time of this
conversation I was 19). It took almost 10 years to recover my sense of
self-confidence about my desires.

If I had it to do over again I
would have believed in myself enough to talk more about my desires. And
if the rejection of them by my ex continued, I would have backed away
from the relationship there and saved myself the pain of an unhappy
marriage and divorce.

The happy ending? The month I started
realizing that my fantasies weren’t something to be ashamed of (Feb
1997) I went onto what was then alt.sex.spanking. There I met Pablo.

Life is better now.  🙂 

My
advice? Don’t let anyone, especially someone who loves you tell you
your desires are wrong just because they don’t share them.

Loving someone should mean finding a way to accept and understand.

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