Some of the discussions here and elsewhere recently made me wonder about
my limits. It can be a hard thing talking about playing with someone for
the first time, especially someone who I don’t know and who doesn’t know
me or only knows me via my spanking fiction.
Anyway, this got me wondering. What do I do? What are my limits these
In the past I’ve broken them up into lists for people when we talk
about playing. These do vary, even within the stuff on the YES list
depending on how I’m feeling and whom I’m planning to play with.
And yes, it was kind of hot making the lists.
The YES List
- school uniforms
- roleplay (just talk to me about what sort — CP is definitely my thing)
- marks (bruises or welts)
- touching toes or holding ankles
The MAYBE List
- breaks in skin and bleeding (don’t try for it, but it’s okay if it
- molestation roleplay
- hand punishments
- mouth soaping
The PROBABLY NO List
- sexual toys
- frat paddles (I’m really really afraid of them and not in a good way —
make me understand why they work for you and convince me you won’t hit
- erotic / sexual play
The NO List
- permanent marks (you shouldn’t be trying to scar me)
- verbal humiliation (don’t call me mean names)
- sex / masturbation (outside of molestation rp scene)
- breath play
- hot/cold creams
- nipple / genital clamps
Information about me
- asthmatic with eczema
- mild claustrophobia
- hearing problem if there’s background noise
- don’t bruise or mark easily
Severely allergic to:
- tobacco smoke
- dust mites
and lots of other stuff…
My safeword is SAFE. I don’t use it lightly. If I use it, I would
expect the scene to stop immediately and to be released from any and all
restraints BEFORE any questions are asked. If we’re going to do
roleplay where I resist (verbally or physically), I’d like you to have a
safeword or "dial it back" signal — something that basically tells me
if I’m resisting too hard or you’re starting to feel bad about the scene
in some fashion.
About Partners: What I want to know is about the other person’s experiences, the good
and bad and their fantasies. What are their limits as a top?
definitely don’t want to hear are answers like "I’m into everything" or
"Whatever works for you will work for me" or "everything you’ve said
sounds just great, perfect." Aside from not giving me any good
information (which is scary and makes me mistrustful), that sort of
non-information is a total turnoff.
Playing with someone is an intimate
act for me only if I know about the person I’m playing with. I don’t
want to play with someone if the scene is all about them "pleasing me"
and me knowing nothing about them.
Anyway, these are just some thoughts — I’m sure I’ve missed a lot of
things. What I find is that my limits move over time and depending on
There are a few people who I’d trust to do pretty much
anything. But only a few and that trust has been earned over time. Not
just by a succession of good scenes, but by the fact they opened up to
me and were honest. I know them and feel like they know me.