Firsts Fridays: Fantasies

1st-friday
[I’ve plucked this Friday Firsts from the Shadow Lane members’ chat. Tony Elka asked this question about first fantasies.]

What’s one of the first fantasies you can remember having, before you ever were consensually spanked (or before you spanked someone)?

I’ve had spanking fantasies as far back as I can remember. I know, because I remember what house we were living in then, by the time I was 4.  They always centered around a father / guardian figure (not my father) who would have to take time out what they were doing to fix some mess I’d gotten into (rescue me I suppose) and then would deal with me by spanking me.

I had these fantasies for years and years. In the first clear memory I have of one, my guardian was Johnny Cash (who, by my parents’ accounts, I used to tell people I was going to marry).  Later it would become heros from books — everyone from James Bond (who of course would have sent me away to a boarding school most of the time — I’d be in trouble for running away — the boarding schools represent a whole other long strain of fantasies) to Nancy Drew’s father.  What they generally had in common was they weren’t, generally, fatherly. They were distant, exciting and had, for a series of reasons usually due to some bizarre bit of orphaning, been saddled with responsibility for me.

As I’m writing this I’m aware that there were two fantasies going on.  First was the spanking one but second was somehow losing my parents and having them replaced.  Or rather having both my parents taken away but only having my father replaced. I know exactly what to make of that one.

Later, when I got to my teen years, I discovered both thrillers and romance novels. This was an odd collision as both appealed to me. I had fantasies for years about being kidnapped by cruel sadistic killers who, for some reason, would keep me alive to abuse physically and sexually, impressed on some level by my obedience (HA) and bravery (HAHAHA).  At the same time I had fantasies based on Joanna Lindsey (she did include some lovely spankings and threats) – style brooding semi-violent heros who would beat and tame me.

These fantasies didn’t evolve much. There were variations — if a friend showed me the paddle her dad used on her and her siblings, I’d imagine getting in trouble at her house and it being used on me. I always had fantasies about teachers — sometimes if I liked them they’d have to adopt me (again note the theme of getting rid of my parents) and, of course they’d have to spank me.

Somehow in my head, spanking and love became equated at a young age. My desire to be spanked by someone reflected my desire to be loved by him or her.  The serial killer fantasies aside, that’s still where my fantasies go — a desire to be special enough to someone that they want to punish me, want to make me better somehow.  Plus, now I know it’s fun.

So there you go. I’ve shown you my first fantasies.  Will you show me yours?

ADDED:

Emma’s first fantasies are here.

6 thoughts on “Firsts Fridays: Fantasies

  1. Lunargirl

    Okay, ya got me.
    Although my “first” fantasy I could never tell, I was too young, I can tell you that all of my earliest fantasies were of the boarding school and orphanage variety.
    I attribute this to reading a lot of Charles Dickens, Haha. There were reasons other than that, of course, but I DID read a lot of Dickens in those days.

    Reply
  2. Mija

    The idea of your boarding school fantasies based on Dickens makes me smile — I can totally picture the abused little orphans.
    Thank you!

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  3. Judy

    My earliest fantasies were always of me being spanked otk. I was never the spanker and i rarely thought of being spanked in any other position. Growing up, I was never punshed that way so I have to believe it came from seeing it happen to someone else, either on television or in person. I was about four years old when I first remember thinking about it and liking the thought of it. By the time I was in my teens, I had similar fantasies to Mija’s in that I would imagine being spanked by a parental figure who was definitely *not* my actual parent. When my parents divorced and my mother later began dating, I would imagine her out of town for some reason and being left in the care of her younger, handsome boyfriend who would punish me for some offense or other.. (The reality of the men she dated was not fantasy material. Think the 70s and polyester-clad men in midlife crisis and you’ll get the pIcture.)

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  4. Mija

    Interesting. I wonder how common it is to have fantasies about the parental figure who-is-not-the-parent?
    I love that in order to have spanking fantasies you gave your mom a fantasy boyfriend. I’ve never heard that one before.

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  5. Season

    Fun post!
    Similar to you my fantasies started at a young age. One of them involved Michael Landon or “Pa” on Little House on the Prairie. It came from a combination of reading the spanking references in the book series as well as the show itself. Aside from the scolding and spanking parts of the fantasy, it always ended with forgiveness and being hugged and cuddled on his lap.
    Another fantasy took root with Alan Alda on M*A*S*H. I had to do some pretty creative plot twists to explain not only why he would spank me, but how I ended up in Korea in a tent at a M*A*S*H unit.

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  6. Mija

    Omigod! How on earth could I have forgotten the Little House books and TV shows?? So many spanking references and moments.
    I did have fantasies about Alan Alda, but I don’t think I was quite creative enough to find a reason to be in Korea! Thanks so much for adding your thoughts.

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