This Is Not a Scene Report – Advent Blog Day 10

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This is not a scene report. But I just got spanked (well, it’s probably been an hour — there was lots of after care).  And have bruises on my thighs.

It was a hard spanking.  Hard because there was spanking and the backs of my thighs.  Hard because the ebony hairbrush and my bottom were intimately involved. But mostly hard because I didn’t want to be spanked.

I made that quite clear. When Paul’s desire to spank me was mooted by him on our walk home from breakfast, I told him I didn’t want to be spanked. When we got home and he said he wanted me in my uniform by the time he got home from Staples (we needed CDs for the Christmas album) I repeated that I didn’t want to be spanked. When he pointed out there were lots of good reasons to spank me, I narrowed my eyes.  Because I really didn’t feel like it.  I had been too stressed out from applying for academic jobs, from losing my purse, from dealing with the after effects of losing my purse (I could go on about that but you’ve probably read way more about my absent purse then you ever wanted to hear).

Paul’s response?  That’s too bad.

I understood.  He wasn’t saying “That’s too bad — I wish we could play.” He was saying “I’m going to spank you anyway.  I’ll be in control of the scene. You have no responsibility except for being there.”

And because of that, it worked. Because I didn’t have to consent (beyond the consenting to non-consent that I did years ago and have never wanted to revoke), the spanking was just what I needed and made me feel a peace I haven’t felt in a long time.

After care conversation (held snuggling in bed): 

Me: Why do I always feel so loving and close to you after you beat me?

Paul: Because you’re a weird freak.

Me: Oh yeah.

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Advent bloggers so far (go see them!):

padme & Anakin – Journey to the Darkside

Marie – Life, Lemons & Spanking

EmmaEnchanted – This Kinky Life

Quai  –  Spanking Discussion

Poppy St. Vincent – Poppy’s Submissions

Sharon – The Evolution of a Pin-Up Model

Tiger – Innermost Me

Indy – Not So Submissive

 

14 thoughts on “This Is Not a Scene Report – Advent Blog Day 10

  1. Jen

    Yay for being a weird freak. We should all be weird freaks. This is something so intimate that nonspankos can never understand. Sex never even has to be involved, but you feel so much emotion afterwards. It’s something you can never really make somebody understand if they’re not into it.

    Reply
  2. Casey Morgan

    Your last line echoes a bit in Madeline L’Engle’s Meet the Austins, which I was just rereading this week. Vicky, the 12-year-old narrator, recalls being punished by her fair parents when she was little: “I’d done something I shouldn’t have done, and I’d been spanked, and I climbed up into Daddy’s lap that evening and twined my arms around his neck and said, ‘Daddy, why is it I’m so much nicer _after_ I’ve been spanked?'”
    Indeed.

    Reply
  3. Pandora Blake

    I love this post and I really empathised with it. It takes a strong trust and connection for a top to be able to carry out a scene they know you don’t want, and for you to be able to show up and, eventually, accept it. It’s something Tom and I have struggled with; I sometimes find it difficult to know how to submit to a non-consensual spanking without genuinely feeling resentful and hurt, and every time that happens it makes it harder for him to take the risk. It takes a lot of confidence and security from the top to do this sort of thing. I’m really glad it’s something that still works so well for you. That moment when you realise your objection has been acknowledged but he’s going to do it anyway can be so deliciously hot.

    Reply
  4. Janey

    I love this post. I just love the way we feel a resistance to being spanked but respond (albeit afterwards!) to the other’s insistence. My S goes ahead regardless and how that works! Ultimately it is his decision. Janey xxx

    Reply
  5. Mija

    Wow. I’m not sure I’ve ever read that one by L’Engle — though A Wrinkle in Time has always been a favorite. But I’m definitely going to look for it. Thank you — that’s an amazing quote. And exactly how I feel.

    Reply
  6. Mija

    Thanks Pandora. I hadn’t really thought about it before, but yes, doing this takes strength and confidence on Paul’s part. I think what helps me is to express very clearly, from the start, that I don’t want this and have Paul affirm that he knows I don’t want it. That lifts a lot of the responsibility off me.
    And yes, it is very hot. 🙂

    Reply
  7. Bridget

    I’m so happy to hear this! I also got a spanking this weekend that I needed but didn’t want. I sure appreciate it when it happens and it works properly.

    Reply

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